A Novel by Scott Sequoia

Did you ever wonder if the person who calmly wins your attention, gains your trust and woos you into believing that love is possible is not all that they seem?  Have you ever noticed someone from afar and worked out a plan to meet them, to get them into bed or convince them to love you?  Can that be called Stalking?  What if the best and purest intentions are in mind as you pursue that person, seeking to get into their inner circle to gain their trust and hopefully their love?  And if you do it without anyone noticing can it really be called stalking?

What if your intentions are dark, sinister, evil and terrible? 

That is Stalking.

And what if you knew it, could do something about it, could stop it before the evil moves on? 

Then you are the Stalker.

1.  Identify a B List celebrity?  Someone who has some mention or fame due to literary, political or theatrical presence.  There are many of them out there, and for the latter are very easy to find due to the fact that they truly want to be famous. 

2.  Locate your celebrity.  Google is probably the best tool to the stalker.  You can read bios, find addresses, locate educational background and identify when and where to find your celebrity.

3.  Track their movements.  A majority of B List celebrities have not earned a big enough following or the necessary revenue to employ a security team.  At most, a good friend or part time help at events is all the security you will need to avoid.  Follow them for several weeks and take notes of patterns, where they go, what they buy, their likes and dislikes.

4.  Raid the trash.  This is one of the FBIs best investigative procedures.  You can find all kinds of useful information in trash from eating habits to movie rentals to credit information. 

5.  Build a profile.  During steps two and three you should make sure to obtain some candid photos, it helps during the profile process.  Use a wall in your home to post some facts about your celebrity.  Post photos to help visualize them doing specific activities.  Use yarn or string to connect like items:  Tuesdays at the pet groomer to PetSmart for food and treats to Purina Dog Chow bag from trash to photos jogging at 6 am every morning with a Bernese Mountain Dog. 

6.  Begin to frequent public locations that your celebrity frequents.  Become friendly with help staff, waiters, bar tenders, door men...

7.  Make sure you are present at events your celebrity is attending.  Make sure they see you, make eye contact but do not approach.  After a few of these you can give a head nod of familiarity, toast with a glass in your hand in greeting and make sure if they are nodding agreement you do the same.

8.  First contact.  When approaching your celebrity for the first time, make it brief, do not talk much and move on as though you didn't recognize them for their celebrity.

9.  Introductions.  At the next event that you both are present, greet them again playing at forgetfulness of their name.  Introduce yourself again and ask what they do for a living.  This is a safe line as it is not necessarily perceived as a pick up line or a threat.  See a Sample Conversation below.

10.  If you are the least bit interesting or attractive and your B Lister is not currently into someone else, you should have no problem scoring.  If you are in fact boring, ugly, awkward or if they are currently seeing someone... try to get into the inner circle as a friend.  Time wears down all things.

SS - Can you believe this place?  I remember when there used to be photos of fisherman and their prize catches on the wall.  There was an incredible Blue Marlin stuffed over the doorway.  (She had been fishing for Blue Marlin the year before while vacationing).

CC - Umm, yeah.

SS - Sorry, I forgot your name.  We've met before right?  (I look her in the eye and offer a hand)

CC - I'm Cecile.  (She takes the proferred hand)

SS - Hi Cecile, I'm Scott.  (I drop the shake and look around for someone or something more interesting)  So, Cecile, what do you do for a living?

CC - (Sounding like she is being taken for yet another pickup attempt) I'm an actress.

SS - Mmm.  That must be fun.  Say, did you catch the Dali exhibit at the museum last month?  (I know she went, I found the stubs in the trash).

CC - (She seems a little surprised that I didn't pursue the whole actress thing and responded a little more interested)  Yeah, I loved it.  Did you go?

SS - I would've loved to, but my work keeps me very busy (that and digging through trash).  It is my hope to one day see in real life The Temptation of Saint Anthony. Would you consider that surreal, cubist or metaphysical?  (I look at her on and off as I continue to scan the crowd, she keeps looking at me directly because she is interested in the conversation at this point).

CC - Surreal obviously.

SS - (Keeping eye contact)  I would say metaphysical, his visions seem stretched as though he were exiting his body and thereby his pain to experience wonders that were unimaginable.  (She giggles).

CC - So what do you do Scott.

SS - I write, I meet, I greet, I take in a movie every once in while and I consume food and drink regularly.  Do you find any of those qualities interesting.

CC - What do you write?

SS - Now did I ask what you have starred in as an actress?  No, of course not.  What if you're really famous and I am too stupid to know it?  Or what if you are really bad and I don't want to hide my honest opinion?  Suffice to say, that we do our respective jobs and if we are good at them all the better.  (At this point she is impressed with my nonchalent attitude and allows me to buy her a drink, and at a later date dinner and more)